That is curious indeed

Anyway I think I met him in the sky

When I was a Geisha he was a Samurai

Somehow I understood him when he spoke Thai

- Nicki "they all look alike" Minaj

That's funny...last time I checked, geishas and samurais spoke Japanese.

Beyonce is Not an Ambiturner

To the left
To the left
To the left
To the left
Mmmm to the left
-Beyonce, Irreplaceable

Beyonce, in the context of the pop/dance genre (arguably your purview), it really seems like you're just going in circles. That, or you're trying to torture Derek Zoolander.

I realize that the next lyric is "Everything you own in the box to the left." But to the left of what? The front yard you're standing in? Wouldn't that just be the neighbor's yard at some point?

Marques, let me show you how it's done

I hadn't heard Marques Houston's song "Circle" until Steph wrote about it in her last post.

Many things about this song and video perplex me. The hyped-up, twitchy choreography that's better suited for a Missy Elliot song than a ballad. The pelvic-thrusting chair dance sequence at 2:42 that looks like it came straight out of Britney's 2000 Stronger video. The army of gyrating, midriff-baring pianists whose feet never seem to touch the damper pedals. And, of course, the geometric illiteracy of the chorus, which implies that making four rights creates a circle.

I can't do anything to change the video, so I would like to propose an alternative chorus to pull the whole thing together better. I believe my new lyrics both display an accurate understanding of shapes AND provide insight into the disjointed, ADHD-feel of the entire video:

Your love is geometrical

And if it comes back then that's how you know

I got to the stop light then I made 4 rights

Now I'm back where I started and you're back in my life

My heart keeps getting damaged, it's just collateral

So much wasted energy, think I need Adderall

Can somebody help me

Get out of this quadrilateral

There. Much better.

I'm No Geometry Whiz But...

Your love is so political

And if it comes back then that's how you know

I got to the stop light then I made 4 rights

Now I'm back where I started and you're back in my life

The further I go the closer I get back to you

I say I moved on till I'm reminded of you

Can somebody help me

Help me get out of this circle.

-Marques Houston

(yes, yes the guy that played Roger on Sister Sister)

This part of the song happens to be the chorus, which means it is repeated over and over and bothers me every time. If you're in a circle, you can't make 4 rights. You would simply be traveling continuously in one direction. In order to make 4 rights you need to be in a square or rectangle or some other sort of angular quadrilateral. How about correcting this glaring and physically impossible lyrical flaw with something like "Help me get out of this trapezoid"? That way the lyrics actually make sense while especially conveying the feeling of being stuck or trapped, if you will. The love Marques sings about may be political, but mathematical? Eh, not so much.

The Realest Blog I Ever Wrote

Young Jeezy is immune to writer's block, fears of inadequacy, and falsity. You'd think maybe some of his rhymes aren't quite his best work, or maybe he has an off day every now and then. But no, Young Jeezy and every one of his verses is the realest.

Put On
"Blowin' on asparagus, the realest shit I ever smoked
Ridin' to that Trap or Die, the realest shit I ever wrote"

Unforgettable
"This might just be my realest flow ever
Ask your girl I'm the realest n***a she been around"

My President
"This be the realest shit I ever wrote,
I ain't write this shit by the way*,
some real shit right here,
This will be the realest shit you ever quote"


For Real.


*But then...wait...what?

So That's Where Tupac Went!

Tupac's birthday was yesterday and, like Elvis, many people refuse to believe that he's really dead. Well, they just might be on to something. In the song Don't Die Lil Wayne lets us in on a huge secret:

"Gangstas don't die, they get chubby and they move to Miami"

So you mean to tell me that Pac, Biggie, Big Pun and Big L are all just chillin in Miami? And does the "Big" theme not suggest that they did indeed pack on a few pounds? How extraordinary!

I guess there really is no heaven for a G.

"Cooler" isn't the word I [me] would use

Mike Posner is feeling really insecure right about now:

I used up all of my tricks, I hope that you like this

But you probably think that you're cooler than me

You got designer shades to hide your face and

You wear 'em around like you're cooler than me

And you never say "hey" or remember my name

It's probably 'cause you think you're cooler than me

Do I think I'm cooler than you, Mike? No.*

Do I think I better understand when to use the objective vs. subjective pronoun case? Most certainly.

*Mike Posner has a record deal, and I am writing about grammar in his hit song. He is unquestionably cooler than I AM.