Those may not be the words you were looking for

So David Guetta and Akon walk into a club. And that's when it happens: They see her. Every girl there wants to be her. She's a diva, and they want to meet her.

Suddenly, Akon is overcome with emotion than renders him almost speechless:

I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful

He waits a few beats. Perhaps he is composing a sonnet, or, like Luda, pondering the inadequacy of words to express the fullness of what his heart feels.

Then inspiration strikes:

Damn, you's a sexy bitch

A sexy bitch

Damn, you's a sexy bitch

Daaaamn, girl!

Oh.

Usher's Lesson in Rhyming

Honey got a booty like pow, pow, pow

Honey got some boobies like wow, oh, wow

Girl you know I'm lovin' your, lovin' your style

Check-check-check-check-check checkin' you out

-Usher, OMG

I'm going to ignore the pow pow pow booty line because it's too easy. (And because I don't know what it means.)

No, I'm most impressed that Usher just successfully rhymed "wow," "pow," and "out" with "style." I mean, listen to it - it's seamless!

Not that anyone was confused about that line

Christina Aguilera explains her extremely abstruse lyric, "I'm kissing all the boys and the girls":

"I don't get to kiss all the girls and the boys, but my husband knows that I get into girls... I don't think I could ever really be with a woman because that's a lot of…what do you call it? Guys have testosterone, girls have [estrogen]."

Christina, remember when you first entered the music scene and everyone compared you to Britney and you could pretty much say anything you wanted and still be known as the smart one?

You don't have that luxury anymore.

Sean Kingston Competes with Stephenie Meyer for the Stating the Obvious Award

She's indecisive

She can't decide

This opening line to Eenie Meenie is almost as good as my favorite line from Twilight:

"I quickly rubbed my hand across my cheek, and sure enough, traitor tears were there, betraying me."

Ludacris Meditates on the Limitations of Language

Ludacris, modern day T.S. Eliot, contemplates the ineffability of his chick's badness:

My chick bad

Badder than yours

My chick do stuff

That I can't even put in words

- My Chick Bad

"Say Ahh" as Haiku

I make you say "ahh"

Just like I'm your doc-tah. All

I prescribe is cran-

(-berry and vodka.)

- Trey Songz/Fabolous, Say Ahh

Ethan's response:

I like reading it as one would a haiku. Suddenly, it has all kinds of depth and inner meaning. Is the poet making a subtle reference to the epidemic of self-prescription in the medical community? By likening himself to the listener's physician, is the speaker expressing a detailed fascination with and study of the listener?

And what if my answer is yes?

Have you ever made love

In a club

To a thug

With his sights on

87 jeans

And a fresh pair of Nikes on?

- Usher/Young Jeezy Love in This Club

Every time I hear this line, I wonder what Usher's reaction would be if someone answered his question affirmatively.

(My real answer, though, is no, of course. Never with his sights on.)

And all this time, I thought that was just part of being an adult

Baby, you the whole package

Plus you pay your taxes

-B.o.B. Nothin' on You

I had always assumed tax payment is included in the whole package. But now, I am feeling pretttttty good about my standing in the dating market.

B.o.B., you should check out my financial statements. Bills paid on time AND I own a car! Where's my song?

How I Think It Went Down

Britney - It's Me Against the Music

"Hi, Mis- Hi, Miss Spears? Yes, yes, this is your assistant, Jeff. Ah, no, that’s the other Jeff. No, this is Jeff ‘the Jeffster,’ not ‘J-Man’ Jeff. Yes, I- yes. So, I really hate to bring this up... um, but I was looking at your lyrics, and- yes, yes, the ones you sent me at 4 AM this morning for proofing. Yes- no, no, don’t worry, I’m actually usually up then anyway... so, yes, I was looking through them, and first, oh man, they’re great. They’re totally great. But, ah, so, the one thing that is a little bit off is, it should be 'It is I against the music.' No, no, I hear you, and I totally understand where you were coming from. I know you wrote 'me against the music,' but you know, you’re the subject in this sentence so... um... yes… ye-es… well, no. See, I mean, yes, I know, Miss Spears; 'me against the music' does- yes, I agree, it does have a nice ring to- no, I know, I know it's art, but I just- well, no; well, I mean, ‘is’ requires a subject, taking the nominative case, so… well I don’t- I don’t know… Yes, ok. Yes, I see."

Also: plastic tie and shirt-less collar? Really?