The Realest Blog I Ever Wrote

Young Jeezy is immune to writer's block, fears of inadequacy, and falsity. You'd think maybe some of his rhymes aren't quite his best work, or maybe he has an off day every now and then. But no, Young Jeezy and every one of his verses is the realest.

Put On
"Blowin' on asparagus, the realest shit I ever smoked
Ridin' to that Trap or Die, the realest shit I ever wrote"

Unforgettable
"This might just be my realest flow ever
Ask your girl I'm the realest n***a she been around"

My President
"This be the realest shit I ever wrote,
I ain't write this shit by the way*,
some real shit right here,
This will be the realest shit you ever quote"


For Real.


*But then...wait...what?

So That's Where Tupac Went!

Tupac's birthday was yesterday and, like Elvis, many people refuse to believe that he's really dead. Well, they just might be on to something. In the song Don't Die Lil Wayne lets us in on a huge secret:

"Gangstas don't die, they get chubby and they move to Miami"

So you mean to tell me that Pac, Biggie, Big Pun and Big L are all just chillin in Miami? And does the "Big" theme not suggest that they did indeed pack on a few pounds? How extraordinary!

I guess there really is no heaven for a G.

"Cooler" isn't the word I [me] would use

Mike Posner is feeling really insecure right about now:

I used up all of my tricks, I hope that you like this

But you probably think that you're cooler than me

You got designer shades to hide your face and

You wear 'em around like you're cooler than me

And you never say "hey" or remember my name

It's probably 'cause you think you're cooler than me

Do I think I'm cooler than you, Mike? No.*

Do I think I better understand when to use the objective vs. subjective pronoun case? Most certainly.

*Mike Posner has a record deal, and I am writing about grammar in his hit song. He is unquestionably cooler than I AM.

Clarification: Lil Wayne Is Not Gay For Himself

He's so sweet, make her wanna lick the (w)rapper
-Lil Wayne in this delightful remix of "Lollipop"

In what may be one of the most beautiful double entrendres in the history of pop rap (or "prap" as perennial phrase-coiner Zoe calls it), Lil Wayne constructs a witty adulation of his own sexual appeal. Of course, it is a surprise to no one that the "he" of which he speaks is, indeed, himself -- undeniably, the sweetest of all rappers. But, in this day and age of rampant homosexuality and ambiguous preferences, a true street thug must take care to caveat all compliments directed at a member of the same sex. Accordingly, if you listen closely, you'll hear Weezy throw in a quick "no homo" before complimenting himself. Good thing he made that clarification, because we all know: if a man compliments a man (even if it's himself), he's totes a homo.

Infinite Dualities

Either you with us, or you ain't with us

Either you in the huddle, or you out the huddle
Either you riding, or we passing, flying by saying, "Fuck you."
-4 My Town (Play Ball), Birdman

Either Birdman wrote this song, or he didn't write this song.
Either Birdman sees both sides of every situation, or he doesn't see the obviousness of his statements.
Either we didn't know about the phenomenon of opposites, or we did know. (And if we didn't, then we sure do now).

Gucci Mane's Troubling Observations Concerning the U.S. Justice System

Gucci Mane released his mixtape The Burrprint 3 shortly before serving a 6 month stint in prison for probation and drug violations. On his song Flexin, Gucci touches on a growing concern among the American public: the correlation between our socioeconomic disparities and the resulting legal rulings. Gucci adamantly delivers his rhymes:

Shawty I'm flexing in the courtroom

Burning dro

Give a fuck about the judge

What you think my money for?

Here Gucci acknowledges his financial privilege and expresses how his wealth allows him to live with a carefree attitude, even smoking marijuana during his trial. He tells a story that we've heard time and time again: a likely guilty defendant escapes punishment with the magic of money. This leaves us thinking about the less fortunate who stumble into trouble with the law, are unable to bribe or pay for legal services, and are sentenced to whatever ruling the judge sees fit. I commend Gucci for raising such a taboo issue and indirectly paying homage to his poorer brethren. A change gonna come. BURR!

ICP is Miraculous

These days, the refined gentleman of Insane Clown Posse (yes, they still do exist) have turned their makeup-laden faces out towards the sky and the earth and realized "there's magic everywhere in this bitch." While there are many aspects of our universe the duo take note of in their new song "Miracles," perhaps the phenomenon they find most mystifying is magnetism, noting:

Water, fire, air, dirt

Fucking magnets - how do they work?

I, for one, am with ICP on this one. While regular magnets have long since been explained by science - of which explanations can be found on Wikipedia, HowStuffWorks.com, and even HowMagnetsWork.com - fucking magnets (and we're talking the verb "fucking" here) have received little to no attention. I would like to know how copulating magnets work: Do they have mating patterns? Do they care for their young? Are there male and female magnets? Can...can they mate with humans?

One thing is for sure, however: we can't trust those damned scientists to help us figure this out - and ICP agrees with me, singing:

I don't want to talk to a scientist

Ya'll motherfuckers lying and gettin' me pissed.

Hear, hear!